[Frank D]

Showed up for a gig last week and the bandleader informed us that one of the bandmembers just sent him a text message saying he's leaving the band and wouldn't be playing the gig!

Obviously that's not the way to quit, but what is? Is a phone call (well in advance of a gig) sufficient or should it be face to face? What about email?

 

[artstove]

Seems like the big problem here is the timing - basically not showing up at the gig.

I think the method depends upon the way the group operates, essentially the social norms. Some folks would consider face to face the most polite, but if most stuff for the band is done by e-mail or phone (or text), it seems like that would be appropriate. If you think that the bandleader may go off on you or otherwise behave inappropriately, a remote method is probably a good idea.

I would think that the important thing is to do it in a way that does not harm the others in the band, so giving plenty of advance notice, offering to fill in if they have trouble finding a replacement, offering to help find a replacement, etc. is more important than the particular way the message is sent. In an ideal world, it should really be a process, not just an announcement, although that may not always work.

 

[saxphil]

I would expect face to face with the band members ( if it's a small outfit) and playing remaining gigs,
until a replacement is found, if necessary.

 

[Dr G]

"Face to face" is best - unless one is just so over the top berserk that it would get ugly.

Also best not to do it when upset - no YAGE. Leave it friendly enough that you can still have a favorable networking relationship. You may never want to play with them again but they might still provide a positive contact.

If there are upcoming scheduled gigs, let them know whether you are up for playing or not. Some people just don't perform well when they know they are beyond the time that they should have left, others are comfortable performing at their best while knowing that they are heading out. Which are you?

So far, I have always left on good terms and remained available for sub calls when convenient to both the band and me.

 

[TommyD69]

In my case, which happened just last week... it was known all during the 2011 season (we don't play in the winter for geographical reasons) that this was going to be our last season. But no one wanted to be THE guy who ended the band.

After my wife decided she did not want to be married to me any more, but continued to show up at all of our gig (because she is a band wife after all), I made it clear to anyone and everyone that I would be leaving the band... but would gut it out for the remainder of the season (much to all of our displeasure)... It was a heart breaking tension filled year that I am SO glad is over, and I'm sure my ex-band mates feel the same... it's just a damn shame...

A couple of weeks after the gig, I sent an email to all the band members explaining my situation which they already painfully knew... and made official my resignation... I have not heard anything back from any of them...

 

[Jeff Foster]

Some guys quit on short notice because they intend to do harm to the band. The last time I was an actual bandleader our drummer did that. He and I were close friends but he couldn't get along with the bass player and decided to quit the band. In spite of our friendship he he still wanted to punish the entire band so he called me the afternoon of a gig and told me he was quitting and would not be there. I called another drummer who was a mutual friend and asked him to sit in that night. When the guy that quit got wind of it he was furious at me, so furious in fact that he has never spoken to me again and that was 2003. I don't know for sure why he reacted that way but I suspect it's because he was hoping his quitting would cause us to cancel the show. When his plan didn't work out he went ballistic.

The moral of the story is don't be a little baby like my ex-friend. Be a full grown man (or woman), do the honorable thing and don't leave your bandmates hanging out to dry. They've all worked very hard to sound good when they take the stage and will probably never forgive you if they get embarrassed because you don't show up and your replacement isn't able to cut the book.

 

[JL]

...he called me the afternoon of a gig and told me he was quitting and would not be there. I called another drummer who was a mutual friend and asked him to sit in that night. When the guy that quit got wind of it he was furious at me, so furious in fact that he has never spoken to me again and that was 2003.....

Wow, what did he expect you to do? Of course you're going to get a sub. The show must go on. You're better off without 'friends' like that guy!

 

[Frank D]

Yeah, I tend to agree with everyone. Best policy is to man up and do it in person if possible, offering to play out any open gigs and be available as a sub in the future. Preserving the networking relationship is key, you never know what's going to happen and who you'll want to connect with.

 

[RandyJ]

After using the same three guys for about eight years I had all of them sign a new contract, most of which is for their peace of mind and benefit. I did add a basic two week notice if anyone ever wanted to leave and a four week notice if they wanted/needed time off the schedule. Seven years later and it's still the same three!

 

[RS]

30 days notice minimum.

 

[saxphil]

don't leave your bandmates hanging out to dry.

... boy, does that ever ring a bell.

 

[skeller047]

30 days notice minimum.

I would say two weeks. It's the standard, in both the business and the music world, and for good reason. It's long enough that the bandleader can find a sub, if not a permanent replacement, and short enough that everyone can say goodbye, sorry to see you go, etc., and not have a prolonged awkward time of dealing with someone that needs or wants to move on.

Two weeks is also appropriate when going the other way, i.e., the bandleader telling a sideman his or her services will no longer be needed. Unless the person is being fired for cause, there is no reason not to give the person notice.

The behavior in the OP is unacceptable in my book, and unprofessional in the extreme.

 

[MartinMusicMan]

he called me the afternoon of a gig and told me he was quitting and would not be there. I called another drummer who was a mutual friend and asked him to sit in that night. When the guy that quit got wind of it he was furious at me, so furious in fact that he has never spoken to me again and that was 2003.

What an f-hole. I would think that would ensure he'd never get any more work in the area. At least, I'd do my best to ensure that. A really dumb move.

 

[RS]

I heard a story about a local sax player who had a beef with a band leader over bread. I guess the sax player thought he'd been stiffed at some point. So to get back at the band leader he failed to show up for a gig he was committed to. The band leader called him at his home to see what the story was and the sax player went off on him, basically telling him to go blank himself. The guy who told me this story (another sax player) thought it was pretty funny. But I remember thinking to myself what about the other guys in the band who had to play the gig without the lead alto player. I bet they didn't think it was too funny. Getting some payback at a band leader who deserves it is fine with me, but don't screw over your fellow musicians.

 

[Carl H.]

I've only ever had to leave 2 groups. On one I took the leader out in to the corridor and told him to his face what I thought of him and how it made it impossible for me to work with him. I told the others I was just too busy to work any more performances into my schedule. Since the reasons were based on ethics and morals and my own business between him and me it was nobody else's business, and I have never discussed the real reasons with anyone.

On the second group I just burned out on all the nonsense and drama. I fulfilled my commitments and found my calendar too busy to book any further dates. They had subs available to them and there was nobody harmed in any way, and I kept all my friends.

Not showing up is a one way ticket to the other list. If you want to work, you need to show up when you say you will.

 

[Bill Mecca]

I've left two bands, first never got past the rehearsal stage with that lineup. I knew the drummer and guitar player from a previous incarnation. This was during the time my father was fighting his losing battle with leukemia. I sat down with those two face to face and told them I was leaving and why. There were no gigs so it wasn't a big deal. After the next practice, the lead singer (the problem) convinced them to fire the drummer.

The drummer and I then struck out on our own and recruited other players. (a side note we posted an online ad, which I wrote, and in the copy said we didn't want those with delusions of grandeur or who took themselves too seriously. No mention of the other band. Well the lead singer sent me an incredibly nasty email, I guess he recognized himself in that comment. The really low blow was when in that message he said how he was sick of all the stuff with my dad. Dad was in the hospital when I got that email, and died about a week later.)

Anyway... that next band got decent, but I have limited availability, it's a hobby for me, and I make sure everyone knows that going in. they wanted to play out more, started doing so under another name, with out me, it started getting too stressful on me so after a rehearsal I talked with the guys, and stepped aside (there was another sax player who also played with them at times). I played several more gigs with them, and that was it.

Interestingly tha band split and one half formed anotehr group. that sax player moved to Fla, and they called me to fill in. I still get called, but rarely, they have gotten used to working without a sax player, but when they need one they call me.

Long, convoluted story, but I guess the point is, don't burn bridges. ;-)

 

[bari_sax_diva]

Long, convoluted story, but I guess the point is, don't burn bridges. ;-)

This.

I don't make my living from playing, but I'm serious about improving, and my ultimate goal is to be the kind of musician that good musicians want to play with. That's a path that's caused me to cycle in and out of a number of bands over the years, but I also realize that nobody wants to play with a jerk, and when it's been time for me to move on from a band (either I got too busy, had a new opportunity, or whatever), I've tried my best to make sure that no bandleader regrets having asked me to play. I either talk to them in person or call, thank them for having me in their group, suggest a replacement or offer to help find one, and ask them to keep me on their sub list. I also make absolutely sure that nobody is left hanging... if the band has a rehearsal or gig coming up shortly thereafter, I'm either there to play it or I send a very capable sub. L.A. is a big city, but pretty much all the musicians around here seem to know each other, and I sure don't need to develop a reputation for jerking other people around.

This policy has worked pretty well--only once have I had someone get really offended when I quit their band. Others have called me to fill in from time to time, which is nice because it lets me catch up with old friends. I've also been invited back a few times to play a different chair, which has gotten me experience on the lead alto and jazz tenor roles.

So... I would recommend that musicians be considerate of the rest of the band if they have to move on. Like Carl and Bill pointed out, you never want to burn bridges if you can avoid it.

 

[andre251]

I have always told one or two gigs in advance and found a replacement if they needed me to find one.
Leaving a text the day of a gig just sounds like the person was unhappy with the job and trying to ruin the band leader in some way.

 

[vonbraig]

Play out every gig you've agreed to no matter what. There was a great player in Cincy I admired growing up but people always commented how he would sub out the gig for another one for more money at the drop of a hat.

No thanks.

 

[Honeyboy]

I once played in a band whose lead singer was an ex-con who always took it personally when someone would quit the band. Once the drummer told the singer he thought the singer should split the tip with the whole band instead of keeping it himself and giving it to his favorite waitress in hopes of scoring with her. Joe, the singer, went nuts and started reaming out the drummer. The drummer told Joe this would be his last gig. Joe threatened him saying "If you quit you'll never work in this town again!"- not that he had any control over that. Anyways, the drummer. who was a citizen of France via Israel, asked me if I would buy him a gun for protection because Joe was known for his crazy behavior and didn't hesitate to solve his problems violently. I declined. A few days later he called Joe and told him he was trying out for the Circ de Sole in Las Vegas so he would have to quit the band. Joe told him to call him if he didn't get the job. Needless to say, he never did call back, and I think he actually left town, as I never saw him again.
When it was my turn to quit, a few weeks later, I used the excuse that I couldn't breath inside the smoky Irish pub we were playing in and that my bronchitis was acting up. This was actually true, and I was able to leave the band w/o incurring the wrath of Joe.
By the way, I talked to Joe on line- I didn't want to deal with him face to face.