[RootyTootoot]

I have been known to take the mouthpiece off the neck and look down it from both ends as if there might be an obstruction.

 

[RootyTootoot]

If it's a big band type reading gig - "I forgot my reading glasses or I need new lenses" or "the brass are to loud, I can't hear anything" or "I don't do these kinds of gigs anymore".

If it's a smaller group - "I never played that tune" or "I don't do these kinds of gigs anymore".

Excellent!