[Greg Myers]

Hi All,
Bit of a backstory first,
My daughter announce about 9 months ago that she is getting married. (Date is mid next month). As a present to her (and totally unbeknown to her) I decided I would play her a song at her wedding. She doesn’t know any of this and doesn’t even know I play the saxophone.
I had played alto very briefly (high school for one year) over 35 years ago. I was never any good and couldn’t afford it so I did not continue. Fast forward to 9 months ago, my daughter announcing she’s getting married was a catalyst to take up the sax again. Something I should have done a long time ago.
I bought a sax, got private lessons and surprised myself. I absolutely love playing and will continue learning/playing for the rest of my days. And I sound ok.
I have worked through and got a couple of simple songs memorised and have been working on both. (Both Elvis songs , Love Me Tender and Can’t help falling in love). The second one sounds really good on alto and in full solo with no backing track so will probably go with it.
I have had to keep it all under wraps until her big day so I don’t really have any performance experience apart from playing to a few select family members and my wife. All say I sound great so I’m not too concerned there. I did go down to a train station and played for 15 minutes. No bad reviews there either (although it was only to 10 or so people)
My concern is ... well, I don’t want to screw it up... The wedding is over 100 people and video, photographers, etc.
With the wealth of experience on here, what should I be looking out for ? How does one deal with nerves ? How do I keep my tone in check and not overblow the notes ? Should my focus just be on the bride and groom, or do I play to the entire audience.
Any advise would be much appreciated.
Thanks everyone.

 

[Taragot]

What a nice story, what a nice plan!
My advice is: Just focus on the love you want to express to your daughter and the joy of her marriage. It isn't about overblown or wrong notes, that doesn't matter at all. Even if you would screw it up (it won't happen!), everyone in the audience would understand what you want to say with it. So, don't worry!
Having said that, it's a good idea to be well prepared. You will have a lot of duties and not much time or focus on this day, so prepare everything carefully (where to stand, where to put the sax, which reed etc.). And you did a great thing to controll your nerves - you played that piece before an audience several times (even at he ttrain station - respect!). It doesn't hurt to play it often to your wife. Or put a cell phone on the stand and record it. And try to imagine how it will be in church, who will be there, how everythings feels while practicing.
Your daughter and your son in law will love it!

 

[Saxydude]

Very nice that you're surprising your daughter with this. I'm sure it will make her special day even more special.

Here's the thing - you will be nervous. So, start by accepting that you'll be nervous - it's totally normal and to be expected. And it's a good thing because it means you care about whatever it is you're doing and that you want to do well. When we're nervous, our heart rate goes up and our breathing becomes shallow. When our breathing becomes shallow we can't properly support our sound and then a whole host of problems start.

I mean this seriously: practice your two Elvis tunes after running in place or doing jumping jacks or skipping rope. Anything that gets your heart rate elevated. It will simulate what you'll feel like come the wedding day and you'll feel even more prepared.

When I thought that I could play piano, I noticed that at competitions my hands got very cold (part of my nervous/anxious response). What a nightmare for a pianist! I had to wear gloves at competitions - how embarrassing. So, I started chilling my hands before practicing. It made me less anxious and ultimately made my hands less cold prior to performances.

Also, play with as much confidence as you can muster. There's a great video of Jerry Bergonzi on YouTube playing all "wrong notes" over a Coltrane tune, but he sounds great! Why? - #1 because he's Jerry Bergonzi; #2 Because he knows how to phrase in the hippest way possible; but #3 He plays with supreme confidence.

You'll do great!

 

[ZootTheSim]

Greg, I've played several live gigs since returning to sax a few years ago, and always get a bit nervous. I just remind myself that it went well last time, so probably will this time. After our last show, I apologized to my pianist/vocalist for screwing up. He said he hadn't noticed, but had noticed that the guitarist and drummers (who are pros) had screwed up.

No one who doesn't play sax really gets the sax, so they won't realize if and when you make a mistake. It's just musical texture to them. Trust me, you'll notice any errors more than the audience, so just ignore it and move on to your next golden tone, and know that they'll be charmed by the personality you're breathing through that horn. And if you have a backing keyboardist or guitarist, let them cover the gaps while you riff around them.

Break a leg, and have fun!

 

[AddictedToSax]

My daughter was married in 2017. She asked me to play Sidney Bechet's "Si Tu Vois Ma Mere". I practiced it until I was pretty sure I could play it in front of a crowd but I chickened out. It's one of those things I'll regret for a long time. It was really no big deal; play one simple song in front of family and friends. The friendliest crowd a musician could ever choose. I commend you for having more courage than me. I was going to play it on clarinet which I've played since I was 10. By everything you say, you will do fine. Going out and busking is a really great idea. Maybe if I'd thought of that I would have been able to summon up the courage to do it. Congratulations on your guts. One suggestion, some time before the wedding you should let her know what you intend to do. Brides get all weird and strung out and surprises tend to send them off the deep end. A special surprise is fine but you may want to consider doing it at the reception and not during the service.

 

[bvhoyweg]

... One suggestion, some time before the wedding you should let her know what you intend to do. Brides get all weird and strung out and surprises tend to send them off the deep end...

I agree: are you sure she likes surprises on her wedding day?

Another thing on wedding days: Alcohol. One beer actually improves my playing because the stress goes down. However, a second beer increases error rates. So I stick to one beer before a performance. You should decide upfront how to handle alcohol before playing.

You plan to play alone?
If it was me I would use backing tracks:
- it will cover up my accidental silences and other ...
- After some practice the music guides me so I'm less dependent on sheet music or memory.

Great idea, I wish you the best.

 

[because]

One suggestion, some time before the wedding you should let her know what you intend to do. Brides get all weird and strung out and surprises tend to send them off the deep end. A special surprise is fine but you may want to consider doing it at the reception and not during the service.

I agree!!!! I've officiated over 300 wedding. Anything that draws attention away from the Bride rarely works.... It's a sweet thought on your part, however it might fit better at the reception...

 

[buddy lee]

You know what helps get rid of nerves the most? Preparation. Know this song inside and out, be able to play it from memory where you don't even have to think about what comes next.

 

[mishmellow]

You know what helps get rid of nerves the most? Preparation. Know this song inside and out, be able to play it from memory where you don't even have to think about what comes next.

Ain't that the truth! I'm easily distracted. When I play a memorized piece, I'll play parts of it with my eyes closed, just focused on my sound, my embouchure, and the air I'm putting through the horn. I don't really think about my fingering cause I've committed the song to memory in a way that my fingers move on their own and I don't want to mess with it. I open my eyes slowly at times, but not looking straight ahead, not looking at other people's eyes, not wondering what they're thinking.

You'll be great! That's such a nice gift. If you want to keep the sax part a secret still, just tell her you'll do a small performance, a reading, or whatever seems believable coming from you. Just to prepare her to provide some sort of space for you. I like the idea of saving for the reception, maybe the beginning of it, but you know your daughter and the wedding plans better than anyone here.

Kudos to you and congrats to your daughter!

 

[GaSax]

One suggestion, some time before the wedding you should let her know what you intend to do. Brides get all weird and strung out and surprises tend to send them off the deep end. A special surprise is fine but you may want to consider doing it at the reception and not during the service.

I agree!!!! I've officiated over 300 wedding. Anything that draws attention away from the Bride rarely works.... It's a sweet thought on your part, however it might fit better at the reception...

Been some time since I've played in public or attended any weddings. But I too agree with them for playing it at the reception.

Other than that practice it a lot, record it and listen to yourself play it. Have your teacher critique it several times before the date. Eat a banana or two the day of, maybe the night before the performance. Don't think about the audience while you're playing and concentrate on the music. If you're not using sheet music or a music stand look at something else in the room other than the hundreds of eye looking at you.

I wouldn't recommend alcohol or drugs! I prefer a good comedy or joke etc to help cope with any stress.
Good luck! ?

 

[Keith Ridenhour]

There are beta blocker pills that flute friends take to cut down anxiety for performance.

I think I'd do what you suggest, keep your eyes closed and imagine you are home playing in your bedroom or practice room. Wherever you feel comfortable. By all means though, play it in public a few times before you do the wedding. That is a different skill.

If you plan to play outdoors practice playing it outdoors, or if you will be indoors in a churchy setting practice in a church so you get used to the difference in sound. Play it many many times in these settings once you get there. So maybe 5 times through no matter where you practice it. You want performing to be "ordinary" so you just can focus on the music,

Tim Price gave me good nerve advice. He said to breath in through your mouth and out your nose a few times if you are nervous before playing and durring performing to tell the little man talking to you on your shoulder (if there is one) to please wait for you in the case until you are done playing. I used both on gigs some 9 years ago Also be aware that if you make a mistake to keep going on with no reaction at all from your playing or body language. For the performer it can feel like a shot to the head but for most of the audiance its just looking out the window on a car ride. YOu see something and then something else is there, not as big a deal < K

 

[ZootTheSim]

+1 on accompaniment or backing tracks, and on not drinking too much beforehand (so maybe schedule your performance early in the evening). I take one bourbon or whiskey before playing, but avoid beer because it dries me out. Speaking of which, be sure to have water on stage--nerves can dry out your mouth and throat.

If you do screw up a note, don't dwell on it--no one will notice!--just keep focusing on the notes ahead. You'll be great and everyone will love it!

But GaSax, why a banana? Does potassium calm the nerves?

 

[bandmommy]

+1 on accompaniment or backing tracks, and on not drinking too much beforehand (so maybe schedule your performance early in the evening). I take one bourbon or whiskey before playing, but avoid beer because it dries me out. Speaking of which, be sure to have water on stage--nerves can dry out your mouth and throat.

If you do screw up a note, don't dwell on it--no one will notice!--just keep focusing on the notes ahead. You'll be great and everyone will love it!

But GaSax, why a banana? Does potassium calm the nerves?

It's suggested that potassium calms the nerves, but I've found it to not work for me.

As a former bride, and mother of 3 brides... There should be no 'surprises' during the wedding ceremony.
If the bride is on board with you surprising the guests during this time, ok.
Save the solo for the reception when the stress of her big day has let up.
Of course, we don't know your daughter or how she would react, but its probably best to play it safe. &#55357;&#56841;

 

[GaSax]

+1 on accompaniment or backing tracks, and on not drinking too much beforehand (so maybe schedule your performance early in the evening). I take one bourbon or whiskey before playing, but avoid beer because it dries me out. Speaking of which, be sure to have water on stage--nerves can dry out your mouth and throat.

If you do screw up a note, don't dwell on it--no one will notice!--just keep focusing on the notes ahead. You'll be great and everyone will love it!

But GaSax, why a banana? Does potassium calm the nerves?

That's what they say. My high school band director gave us a banana before we played at district and state festivals. Not sure how well it help by we always got Superior ratings.

I looked it up and it has something to do with beta blockers, potassium, nerves and anxiety etc etc.

In the Army, they said they were good to help prevent cramps during PT. ?

 

[Fader]

My daughter got married in October. She actually requested saxophone for the wedding and she is undoubtedly my biggest fan. Here’s how I handled it:

I hired a sax player.
Not because I couldn’t do it - but for several other reasons.
1. It’s a day that should be all about her - She loves you so she probably wouldn’t tell you if it bugged her that you might be stealing her thunder.
2. I wanted to be 100% focused of her and her wedding. Ever after thousands of gigs, I still take time to mentally prepare and make every effort to focus on what I’m doing first, my band mates second, and the audience lastly. (I admit that sometimes that’s difficult)
3. I didn’t want people telling me how great I was, when they should be telling me how beautiful my daughter is, and how much they enjoyed the wedding.
4. As the father of the bride, I was responsible for the entire wedding. Big responsibility without having to deal with performing. I was (and you are) the host.

I might also add that your child’s wedding is not the optimal first gig. Friends and family will tell you how great you sound long before you sound great. You’re sure to get a good response, but are you Sure you’re playing at a pro level? If you screw it up, it will be on film and in your family for the rest of your life. I might add that on a gig if you hit a clam, you’ve got the rest of the night to make up for it. Not so when it’s one song for a wedding. That’s a lot of pressure on day that’s already going to be a bit stressful (not necessarily for you, but there’s the bride, the groom, the in-laws, and various other people who are unknown factors).

All that being said, if you think it through and decide to go with it - think about doing your bit at the reception - after the father / daughter dance and the toast. You know - the part where you give a speech and tell everyone how great your kid is etc... Your guests will also have had a chance to drink a few and loosen up by then. And yes - it’s your daughters wedding, but they are your guests.

Many apologies if any of the above is not what you wanted to hear, but you did ask... And my advice is worth exactly what you paid for it, so don’t sweat it (too much) if you decide to play. The important thing is that you have a blast either way. In a perfect world, she’s only going to get married once.