Teaching and limits

Communication! Develop a relationship with the parents and let them guide you. Keep the parents in the loop.

Address all material to the parents and ask them to pass it on to their child.

I've been writing up individual lessons and hand-outs, sending Cds, tipping the kids to youtube links, lobbing jazz movies to them on DVD,tracking down instruments, repairing instruments, finding mouthpieces, etc...

So far, no problems.

A lot of the parents have become friends and will invite me to stay for dinner or a BBQ etc.

That said, I have had overzealous teachers sticking their noses in and creating big problems. ie: a please explain from the school principal. Fortunately, the parents came to my rescue and the whole matter was resolved amicably. Just use common sense and watch your back. There are some folks out there that think anyone teaching kids is a sick twisted pervert just waiting to pounce. Mud sticks to the innocent and guilty just the same. For all that, do what you do with, love, care and sincerity and don't be afraid to show the kids you care. Kids need caring, interested, teachers now as much as ever. Don't be afraid of the bogey man. Just do what you do as best as you can do it.

DP

I don't teach - I'm just a doctor. But it's a shame we've reached the point of denying all adult role-models to kids, plus the opportunity to learn to handle risk, for the sake of avoiding proportionately tiny risks.

When I were a lad I only encountered one adult male who acted suspiciously. As it happens it was a music teacher, but it could have been a first-aider, a sports instructer, an angler, a canoeist, a Sunday School teacher or anyone of the many adults from whom I learned life skills and enthusiasm for leisure interests. It could even (and statistically more likely) have been a parent or other relative. It was knowing how the others behaved that got my antennae waving about the exception.

In real terms, the risk to a kid is as low as the risk of dying when learning to abseil or sail - and to deny the latter experiences to people is to guarantee a stunted development.

In the UK, at least, we're already inhibited by press hysteria, parental paranoia and by police checks (I've needed 2 just to keep practising as a doctor). Reasonable precautions and probity, yes. But let's not be cowed into making childhood even more fearful than it already is, and certainly than it ought to be.

I agree with everyone on this topic. I would however urge you if you live in America to keep a professional distance at all times. Strictly business and don't even think about being their buddy.

I'm telling you the single moms out there are looking for any man they can to point the finger at for their kids weird behavior. Most women and some men think it's strange for a grown man to even want anything to do with kids. I know this is a warped way of thinking and clearly the kids lose in the end, but all it takes is one accusation and you will live in the shadow of doubt for many years.

I know this because one of my best friends is a elementary teacher, single and has no kids. He's passionate about teaching, but he'll be the first to caution anyone that you should keep your distance at all times.

I use this motto when dating as well though. I simply refuse to date women with kids anymore. I have in the past and I have been kind to their kids and shown them attention that their real fathers don't care to, but when the relationship turns for the worst then all sorts of lies start up and it can really tear you apart inside when you've been nothing but kind to both of them and now the mom is trying to get back at you any way she can.

Personally I don't know how it is in Germany Gary, but if you lived in America you'd be asking for trouble big time unless you had their mom sitting watching their kid take the lesson and even then there's some real basket cases that will say you tried something while they used the restroom for 30 seconds.

You couldn't pay me a six figure salary these days to teach anyone under the age of 18.