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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
(please forgive if this topic has been done to death in the past somewhere)

Hi folks.

We all know about how during many gigs, regardless of what the instrumentation and idiom of the band is, some yokel in the audience will clamor to "PLAY SOME SKYNYRD!!"

Until New Years Eve, the absolute most clueless request by an audience member I ever heard at a gig was probably the bubble-headed young woman who approached our tuxedoed, guitarless 17-piece jazz orchestra to ask with complete earnestness if we could play some Nine-Inch-Nails.

Two nights ago, NYE, it was clueless request(s) writ large. I was playing a duo with a pianist in a lounge at a country club, where the two of us were explicitly hired by the country club contact blue-hair to play low-volume listening jazz.

Which we started the gig doing. No later than the third number, several not-yet-50 celebrants came up to us to ask, in varying degrees of stridency, coherence, inebriation, and politeness, for us to-

"ROCK OUT! WE'RE READY TO DANCE AND PAR-TAY!!!"

Sax. (My mellow jazz sax and no rock mouthpiece in my case)

Piano.

That's it. No microphone even.

I can think of no better example of champagne tastes on a beer budget.

What saved our bacon was that due to a technical fluke, the pianist had brought his keyboard that had a built-in drum machine, instead of his usual keyboard. We were able to stave off the requests as long as possible, because we knew that once we did a drum machine pop number, we could never go back to Jobim.

We were able to coordinate a few R&B numbers during our two shortish breaks. They sounded barely passable thru the tiny amp, but we managed to keep the natives from roasting us on a spit! As much as I would like to see me and other sax players get work, they would be better served by a DJ if they're too cheap to hire a party band.

So, what are your horror stories of clue-less requests?
 

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Free jazz group asked if we could play 'Your Cheatin' Heart'

Wedding Trio asked to play 'Smoke on the Water' and 'Bang a Gong'
(no guitar)

Blues/Zydeco band request--'Enter Sandman'
 

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Free Jazz duo gig with a bass player. It was all improvised and some smart-*** said, "Freebird!" as we wound up a fairly intense improv. The bassist looked at him deadpan and said, "That was Freebird." Then we did a west-African groove, and the same idiot yells out "Freebird!" What could we do? The bassist looked at him and said, "That also was Freebird. In fact, everything we do is actually Freebird."

But the WORST actually came from a musician. A bass player, a guitarist and myself were getting together to do some improv and see what happened. In fairness, this guitarist rubs me -- really don't like his playing or his attitude. As we're discussing free music (none of us had met before that day), the bassist and I were discussing The Art Ensemble of Chicago, Ju-Ju, Joe McPhee and others. We both commented about the contingent that thinks playing free merely consists of hitting tri-tones, and considers standards played in odd meter the cutting edge. We were laughing about a particular recording we'd heard and I said, "Yeah, like Girl From Ipanema in 3." The guitarist looks up and says, "Let's play that. Seriously!" He literally thought it was a discovery. I guarantee that was the single ugliest version of the tune ever played.
 

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"Do you know the ladies room is out of toilet paper"
Seriously. I'm not kidding.

You know the correct response right?

" Do I Know It? I wrote it!"
 

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You know that tune. That song. YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT I MEAN... It goes like... with the thing here... and that part comes in... COME ON... Help me out here. YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS SONG... You know how it goes... Where everybody gets up and does that thing... OH COME ON... YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT ONE!!! Please play it... Come on... PLEASE!!!
 

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You know that tune. That song. YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT I MEAN... It goes like... with the thing here... and that part comes in... COME ON... Help me out here. YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS SONG... You know how it goes... Where everybody gets up and does that thing... OH COME ON... YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT ONE!!! Please play it... Come on... PLEASE!!!
Ave Maria? :evil:
 

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My most clueless request was when we were hired for a wedding gig. Bass, keyboard, guitar, drums, a singer and me on sax. Band arrived in time after an hour drive, setup everything. They served dinner for the party. We started tuning in to start playing and some friends of the bride ask us just to not start playing because they prepared a short show for the couple. 5 hours later the the bridegroom came up, handed us our money and said they don´t need us anymore. We just packed and left. Didn´t play a tune that evening.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
These are great! I never cease to be amazed at people....
 

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Too many to list is right!!! I once played a gig with a Blues Band (2 horns we made up backgrounds on the spot)....During the break a guy told us how we sounded just like Tower of Power!!!
 

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Blues band -- guy asked for something by Michael Jackson.
 

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Distinguished SOTW Columnist TSGT(Ret)USAF
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Free Jazz duo gig with a bass player. It was all improvised and some smart-*** said, "Freebird!" as we wound up a fairly intense improv. The bassist looked at him deadpan and said, "That was Freebird." Then we did a west-African groove, and the same idiot yells out "Freebird!" What could we do? The bassist looked at him and said, "That also was Freebird. In fact, everything we do is actually Freebird."

But the WORST actually came from a musician. A bass player, a guitarist and myself were getting together to do some improv and see what happened. In fairness, this guitarist rubs me -- really don't like his playing or his attitude. As we're discussing free music (none of us had met before that day), the bassist and I were discussing The Art Ensemble of Chicago, Ju-Ju, Joe McPhee and others. We both commented about the contingent that thinks playing free merely consists of hitting tri-tones, and considers standards played in odd meter the cutting edge. We were laughing about a particular recording we'd heard and I said, "Yeah, like Girl From Ipanema in 3." The guitarist looks up and says, "Let's play that. Seriously!" He literally thought it was a discovery. I guarantee that was the single ugliest version of the tune ever played.
This post has given me the greatest idea of my life!
On my next gig, Girl from Ipanema in 3!!!!!!!
 

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Distinguished SOTW Columnist TSGT(Ret)USAF
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New Years gig at a rich private club on Main street in Dayton Ohio just 4 days ago,
the crowd was getting hammered.They kept wanting to dance all night long.... I was in a 4 sax, 3 bone, 3 trumpet, little big band with guitar, drums, bass and piano. The band leader saw that they wanted to boogie all night long so he starts yelling audibles, verbal tunes, no more numbers in the book, First Mony,mony, mony, then Mustang sally, then Old Tiome rock and roll,
all of a sudden, this drunk old guy grabs the mike!
And yells at the band...
"Dammit give me satin doll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hell i'll sing it, i know the funkin' words......"
Then he starts singing by himself, we had to try to get the mike back...
the drummer kicks off Brown eyed girl, and the guy almost went nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was so pissed, he smashed his glass.............
 
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Everywhere I go, I get pink panther. But at least it is playable unlike some of the other odd things I have been seeing.
 
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