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I like this joke I have just been sent from a friend....Oh how true...:)
A guy calls the musicians' guild to get a quote on a 6 piece band for a wedding. The rep says "Off the top of my head, about $2000".He says"WHAT? FOR MUSIC?. "The rep responds " I'll tell you what. Call the plumbers' union & ask for six plumbers to work from 6 to midnight on a Saturday night. Whatever they charge you, we'll work for half."
 

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I love it! Not so much as a ha ha joke, but more as a very good analogy to use. Thanks!
 

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A couple is having marriage problems and decide to get counseling. The counseler begins asking questions and is encouraging the couple to speak, but stone dead silence. After trying everything to get them to open up, he gets up and grabs an upright bass and starts gettin' down with it, soloing up a storm. Immediately the couple start talking to one another. They are amazed, and grateful for what had just happened, and asked the counceler what he had done. He replied, "everyone talks during a bass solo".
 

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A fellow calls an entertainment agency looking for an act.

"How about a disco?" says the agent.

"That would be terrific, how much?"

"$1500"

"Oh wow! That's way over my budget. What else have you got?"

"How about a magician? I can do that for $1000" suggests the agent.

"Still a bit too much."

"Well, what about a clown for $800?"

"Nope, too much."

"Face painting? I can do that for $700."

"Sorry, over my budget."

The agent says "Look, perhaps it would be better if you just tell me how much you have to spend."

"Well, all up my absolute top is $350. Can I get anything at all for that?"

"Oh sure!" says the agent. "I can send you a seven piece jazz band for four hours."
 

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Why did the jazz musician bury his painting in the ground?

Because he was an Art Farmer!



Why did the jazz musician leave his painting buried in the ground for 30 years?

Because nobody could dig it!
 

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a couple is having marriage problems and decide to get counseling. The counseler begins asking questions and is encouraging the couple to speak, but stone dead silence. After trying everything to get them to open up, he gets up and grabs an upright bass and starts gettin' down with it, soloing up a storm. Immediately the couple start talking to one another. They are amazed, and grateful for what had just happened, and asked the counceler what he had done. He replied, "everyone talks during a bass solo".
brilliant!
 

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In a rehearsal, a "singer" while we were playing a bossa, looks to my brother (jazz guitar player) and says:
- "This is to high for me to sing, can you lower the key? in what key is it?"
- "EMaj" - says my brother
- "Well, can't you lower that? can't we play in E minor?..."


True story
 

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Band leader calling a tune: Let's do Misty. We'll do the 1st four in Eb, the second four in Bmin, and we'll do the repeat in Emaj and in 3/4 . The bridge will be in Cmaj, in 5/4, modulating to C#maj on the 5th bar. And, the last four will be Dmaj.

Singer: I can't remember to do all of that!

Band leader: Sure you can, that's what you did last night.

[If somebody can phrase this better, feel free, thanks.:)]
 

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Band leader calling a tune: Let's do Misty. We'll do the 1st four in Eb, the second four in Bmin, and we'll do the repeat in Emaj and in 3/4 . The bridge will be in Cmaj, in 5/4, modulating to C#maj on the 5th bar. And, the last four will be Dmaj.

Singer: I can't remember to do all of that!

Band leader: Sure you can, that's what you did last night.

[If somebody can phrase this better, feel free, thanks.:)]
Great!! that ones are the best ehehe
 

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Being a drummer, as well:

Why did the band fire their drummer? He came into practice and said " Hey Guys! look at the song I wrote!"

What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend? Homeless.

And the classic:

What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians? A drummer.

I may have posted these in another joke thread, worth mentioning here.
 

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Last year I did a gig with a swing band in England that would become the highlight of my career:

After the show we were having a drink and I noticed the singer going through her purse, so I asked her if she was looking for her wallet and offered to buy her a drink.

"No, I was just looking for my key."
"How typical"

It really was my moment of glory: how often do you get a chance like that :)
 

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A band are waiting in a rehearsal room for sax players to turn up and audition.

First one arrives. Dressed in sharp black 60's suit, porkpie hat and shades. He pulls out a mint 1957 Mark V1 and walks up to mic and the band count off a slow blues.. Really bad tone, out of tune ..no time... NEXT!

Next one arrives...Stripped to the waist, muscled, tatooed and leather trousers. He gets a brand new solid silver Yanigasawa limited edition tenor out and slides up to the mic...1..2..3... Awful honk comes out and he races away playing just anything..... NEXT!

Third and last player arrives. Dressed in rags, bit niffy, bald patch and greasy lanky grey hair. Breaks out an ancient verdigris encrusted no name tenor festooned with rubber bands, sticks old lolly pop stick on mouthpiece and raises his horn to the mic...........................................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,he's crap as well.
 

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In a rehearsal, a "singer" while we were playing a bossa, looks to my brother (jazz guitar player) and says:
- "This is to high for me to sing, can you lower the key? in what key is it?"
- "EMaj" - says my brother
- "Well, can't you lower that? can't we play in E minor?..."


True story
Very funny!!!
 
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