A "valid player"... not sure what that is supposed to mean. That is subjective right? I run into guys that are very average players. Some have been playing a long time and reached a place where they are in average bands, playing average gigs with average fan followings who tell them that they are great players. They are "pro" players because they are working and generally recognized to be musicians because they have a horn and make make faces playing the four note licks they know over three chord tunes. I know they feel like valid players.
I wouldn't buy a ticket and stand in line to see them play however... but they are grooving. They are where they want to be. They are happy people. That is enough for them.
Then there are other people who are never satisfied and want to do what ever work is needed for them to feel valid. Maybe they are like me... cursed. Cursed by having been exposed to masters of the music at an early age. I'm talking about live, down in front, week after week mind bending stuff... where you come out of the club or concert saying... either I better quit or get serious about shedding the horn.
Dexter, Rahsaan, Sonny Fortune, Grover, Sonny Rollins, Charles Lloyd, Joe Henderson, Ornette, Yuseff, Liebman, Brecker, Bob Berg, Bob Minzer, Lovano, Dave Ellis, John Handy, Craig Handy, Stanley Turrentine, Joshua Redman, Phil Woods, Kenny Garrett, Richey Cole, Mark Russo, Azar Lawrence, Vince Denham, Donny McCaslin, Lenny Picket, Tom Politzer... and all the other cats from MCoy and Elvin to Miles and Freddie Hubbard... I have little video clips burned into my brain of each of these artists and then some.
That's the stuff I aspire to. I won't feel valid unless I'm playing on that level. I got ruined. Or maybe I'm really, really lucky to have been able to see and hear the energy of so many great artists from Hendrix, Janis, Clapton to Louis Armstrong, BB King, Oscar with Joe Pass and the Ellington band with Ella. It's like I ate fruit from the tree of knowledge and now I don't want to be average and I won't go back to ignorance being bliss.
I have a problem with the statement; "Weaving melodies and personal statements is where it's at, and it's not just something that "happens" after you have mastered a lot of scales." While I whole heartedly agree that weaving melodies and personal statements is where it's at... the conclusion that it is NOT something that "happens" after you have mastered a lot of scales doesn't work for me.
In my experience, no matter how much I practice and play, I'm not going to master scales and chords, simply because it is endless. For me though, it has been a path towards good musicianship and ear training. Shedding a bunch of scales and chords HAS opened my ears up and built my head chops and physical chops. I mean get real. All there is are scales and chords. Where do melodies come from? It might not have been, poof... I shedded scales and now I burn, but over time is has happened.
I guess I share the OPs frustration. In that, as a working person only about to play three hours a day seven days a week, I feel overwhelmed trying to organize my time so that I feel like I'm progressing. I was a working musician until I was thirty and I let that feeling of being overwhelmed get to me and I lost the desire to play altogether. I quit for fifteen years. Sixteen years ago I started to play again, but with a different mind set and goals.
I had to teach myself how to play all over again. The first weeks and months I could only play a few minutes a day before my chops blew out. It was hard to swallow that there were kids in high school that could blow me clean away. But, every day I learned one little thing and at the end of a week I had learned seven little things, and in a month, a year until sixteen years later, I'm a better player today than I was yesterday, last week, last year.
Do I feel "Valid"? Yeah, mostly. Some days are more valid than others, but it's not about ego stroke for me. I don't care if anybody ever hears me play. Maybe the word valid is not a good one, it doesn't say enough or has too limited a connotation.
I think my goal is to be a better communicator and have something to communicate in the first place. All the rest of the stuff will take care of itself. People tell me all the time that I sound great. I hate hearing that because I feel like they are being patronizing. I know they are trying to be appreciative and maybe they do think I sound good... compared to whatever they judge to be "good". I play for me, not other people. I play because I know what is possible and that I can do it too. There are two things I have to do: Think about it and then do it. I don't see shedding endless scales and chords as a chore. It's like collecting tools for a huge tool box so that I have the capability to play the things I hear.
I suppose one has to assess their commitment to playing the music and the horn. There are no short cuts and no substitutes for having the horn in your hands. The best players, play all the time. There is no magic wand. I don't have one and neither do any of you or you wouldn't be here. (well, there are short cuts, but not for beginners... just like you need to understand long division before you can do short division)
"To improvise properly". That is pretty weak too. Pretty subjective, but if you have low expectations you will feel valid much easier. If you have loftier goals, then maybe it's like shooting at a moving target, difficult but not impossible. I don't know, do we all live with a sense of being overwhelmed? Is it like a chronic back ache where the pain is always there, but you just go on doing what you got to do day to day?
If someone reading this doesn't agree with me, then by all means don't shedd abstract scales and chords. There are a million ways to train your ear and a billion people playing the music who all have a different take on what is hip. Who am I... I'm a nobody.
Listen to some clips of players like Dan Perez, Tim, David Valdez, Matt Otto for instance. I think those guys can play the horn and I would be inclined to listen to any guidance they offer.
jaz9090, two cents here... because you are just getting started again here... it would be a perfect time to read Kenny Werner's book Effortless Mastery. You can get it out of the library probably. Good luck man in your endeavors.