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Anyone got some good sax jokes? Or any other instument? I'm sure everbody has heard some of these but here's some of my favorites.

Why don't jazz sax players like the soprano sax?
No place to hide the drugs.

Why can't a gorilla play the sax?
He's too sensitive.

How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?
Add vibrato.

What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead saxophonist in the road?
Skid marks in front of the snake.

How many C Melody players can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.

How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, one to change the light bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.

How do you get a sax player off of your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.

How do you get two sax players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.

Did you hear about the saxman who bragged he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the band didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one.

:sign5: :smilebox:

What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage ?
The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Why bury guitar players 6 feet under?
Because deep down they're all very nice people..

What's the difference between an accoustic gutar and an electric gutar?
The accoustic burns longer.

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common ?
Both suck when you plug them in.

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
 

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The sax player is in bed with the chick singer.
After a while she says, "Don't you think you should pull out?"
He says "Why, am I sharp?"
 

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An Irish Sax player walked out of a bar....

Really! It happens!
 

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What's the difference between a guitar player and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

How can you tell that the guy who just applied for the job is a drummer?
By the drool on the application.

Why did God give drummers just a little bit more sense than horses?
So they don't take a crap while marching in the back of a parade.


Sorry, I don't know any sax player jokes. I guess it's because we're above all of that.
 

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Definition of perfect pitch? The ability to throw (add intrument of choice) down a toilet without touching the sides.

How to improve the range of the instrument of choice? Throw it with the wind behind you.
 

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OK, I've posted this joke before, but I still think its funny....A sax player is taking a break between sets. A beautiful and voluptuous woman sits down at the bar stool next to him and says "You know, I heard you play last night and it was the most moving experience of my life! You were brilliant, sensitive, innovative and I came back tonight to see if there is any way I can do ANYTHING to repay you, either at your place or mine." The sax player turns to her and says "Did you hear the first set or the second?"
 

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How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he has to go through ten boxes to find the perfect bulb.
 

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Why do sax players keep an old mouthpiece on the dashboard of their cars?

So they can park in handicap spaces.
 

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Q: What is the definition of a gentleman?

A: A man who knows how to play the saxophone, but refrains from doing so.
 

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Good one saxnbax!

Two New York City jazzers got a gig in Chicago but had to drive separate cars. When the trumpet player arrived at the gig, he was told the sax player had been killed tragically on a bridge in Indiana. He looked confused. "Man, there's no bridge in Indiana!":shock:
 

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OK, I've posted this joke before, but I still think its funny....A sax player is taking a break between sets. A beautiful and voluptuous woman sits down at the bar stool next to him and says "You know, I heard you play last night and it was the most moving experience of my life! You were brilliant, sensitive, innovative and I came back tonight to see if there is any way I can do ANYTHING to repay you, either at your place or mine." The sax player turns to her and says "Did you hear the first set or the second?"
I would turn to her and say: "Great, get me a good reed and we will be even".
 

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You are lost in the woods and come across three guys: an out of tune sax player, a guy playing sax in tune, and santa claus.

Who do you ask for directions?

The guy playing out of tune.

The other two are fictional characters.
 

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Q: You are in a room with Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, and Kenny G. You have a gun but only two bullets. What do you do?

A: Shoot Kenny G twice... just to make sure.

...........................

There is a man on a boat that is in a shipwreck. The boat crashes on a jungle island and the man is greeted by natives. In the distance, he hears the sound of drums. He asks what the drums are for and the chief answers, "The drums must not stop." The man is forced to stay the night in the natives village. All through the night, the drums keep on going so he got no sleep at all during the night. He got up in the morning and went to the chief again, begging him to know why the drums couldn't stop. The chief answered, "Because, when drum solo stop, sax solo start."

................................

What's the difference between a saxophone and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.
 

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There is a man on a boat that is in a shipwreck. The boat crashes on a jungle island and the man is greeted by natives. In the distance, he hears the sound of drums. He asks what the drums are for and the chief answers, "The drums must not stop." The man is forced to stay the night in the natives village. All through the night, the drums keep on going so he got no sleep at all during the night. He got up in the morning and went to the chief again, begging him to know why the drums couldn't stop. The chief answered, "Because, when drum solo stop, sax solo start.".
LOL!! This one is my favorite, so far.
 

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Two sax players get caught up in a latin American revolution and get themselves sentenced to be shot. The officer asks the first guy "Any last requests, senor?." He says "Yes, before I die I'd like to listen to some Kenny G recordings." The capitan says "Granted, senor. Now, what about you senor, any last requests?" The other sax player says "I want to be shot now!"
 

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A Roman walks in to a music store and asks for a box of sax reeds.
"What strength would you like?" asks the employee.
The Roman holds up two fingers and says, "FIVE."
 

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Q: How many female singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one. She holds the bulb while the world turns around her.

Q: How do you get a guitar player to turn down his amplifier?
A: Put some sheet music in front of him.

I got a million of 'em...
 

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Q: what do you call 12 sax players tuning to concert A 440?

A: the chromatic scale.
 
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