A few from Down Under:
"Flat out like a lizard drinking." --- A very fast tune.
"Too slow to keep worms in a tin." ---- A very slow tune.
"The world's only living brain donor." ---- The drummer.
"About as useful as tits on a bull." ---- High F# keys, Perfect Pitch
courses, reed humidifiers, sax mutes, etc
"May your ears turn into ***holes and s*** on your shoulders." --response to hecklers.
"Sticks out like a dog's ****." --- a wrong note, playing out of tune, playing a Dukoff, playing a "Larruping Pink" Chinese saxophone.
"Lower than a snake's bum." --- either the Bass Saxophone, or the person that steals your Mk VI.
"Tighter than a fish's bum." ---a horn section that starts and stops together. The JB horns. T.O.P horn section, etc.
"Up and down like a working girl's undies." --- Those ridiculous etudes that have you going from bell note to altissimo and back, in 16th notes.
"Stiff as a Saturday night *****." --- A band that doesn't swing.
"Fatter than a choir boy's ***hole." --- describing a player's sound. Also used in advertising, to sell overpriced, custom, mouthpieces.
"Flatter than a **** carter's hat."--- to play flat.
These are all very common, everyday sayings, down here, but because some of you lot have about as much sense of humour as an undertaker with scabies, I'll happily delete any and all of the above just to keep the peace.
"Flat out like a lizard drinking." --- A very fast tune.
"Too slow to keep worms in a tin." ---- A very slow tune.
"The world's only living brain donor." ---- The drummer.
"About as useful as tits on a bull." ---- High F# keys, Perfect Pitch
courses, reed humidifiers, sax mutes, etc
"May your ears turn into ***holes and s*** on your shoulders." --response to hecklers.
"Sticks out like a dog's ****." --- a wrong note, playing out of tune, playing a Dukoff, playing a "Larruping Pink" Chinese saxophone.
"Lower than a snake's bum." --- either the Bass Saxophone, or the person that steals your Mk VI.
"Tighter than a fish's bum." ---a horn section that starts and stops together. The JB horns. T.O.P horn section, etc.
"Up and down like a working girl's undies." --- Those ridiculous etudes that have you going from bell note to altissimo and back, in 16th notes.
"Stiff as a Saturday night *****." --- A band that doesn't swing.
"Fatter than a choir boy's ***hole." --- describing a player's sound. Also used in advertising, to sell overpriced, custom, mouthpieces.
"Flatter than a **** carter's hat."--- to play flat.
These are all very common, everyday sayings, down here, but because some of you lot have about as much sense of humour as an undertaker with scabies, I'll happily delete any and all of the above just to keep the peace.