Punishment Tunes

[DaveMac]

At a gig last night we were playing at a wine tasting and were joking about nobody caring about the music(wallpaper gig). The drummer told me something I thought was funny, that a band he sits in with now and then plays "punishment tunes" if nobody is paying attention, Like a virgin, Cindi Laupers True Colors, sing in one key play in another. Does anyone else do this? I know I know its not very pro like but a little funny still.

[RS]

I played a gig once where the singer started singing the lyrics from "Mack the Knife" to the melody of "I Left My Heart in San Francisco". And he wasn't clowning around. Just out to lunch. We used to play catch with a rubber chicken when he would sing some crappy song like "After the Lovin'". I'm all for professionalism but sometimes you've got to cut up a little bit to keep from going crazy.

[Vortex]

One of my favorite ways to cut up is to play Salt Peanuts, but instead of saying salt peanuts, say Cold Turkey (a Freddie Hubbard song). It always mixes the audience up.

[Frank D]

Interesting idea. I always thought of punishment tunes as the ones people requested that you're sick of playing: Macarena, Chicken Dance, Mustang Sally..........

[Gregg W. Jackson]

Dave Barry, in his book "Tricky Business". talks about "retaliation tunes" A retaliation tune is a tune that you play after you play a request that you really dislike. For example, if you really hate playing "The Macarena" and someone requests it, play it, and then play "The Hokey Pokey". This is especially effective if the retaliation tune is similar to the request, but worse.

The biggest risk, I'd guess, is that the audience might really enjoy the retaliation tune and start requesting more tunes in the same vein.

[mark_m]

And when you play the hokey pokey, if you're really going for revenge, turn it into a "Twister" game. Mix it up. Put their heads in, their feet out, etc. If they've had a few drinks, you can get them in knots, falling down etc.

[Vortex]

The biggest risk, I'd guess, is that the audience might really enjoy the retaliation tune and start requesting more tunes in the same vein.

That's why you play it weird - for example, playing In the Mood in a funk style will turn off about 80% of the people who like it (i.e. old folks).

[Steve J.]

This very well could rank as the most depressing thread I've come across on SOTW. Please say I'm naive and none of you are serious.

I know who Dave Barry the humorist is so yes that is fictitous. Other posters, you are posting suggestions as working pros? You won't work for me.

If its all make believe and supposed to be humorous will administrator or moderator please move to an appropriate humor topic.

These posts makes me sick to my stomach. If any of you are successful at making a substantial part of your living as a playing professional and actually do some of these things in real life I'm appalled.

I used to wonder why clients in general aren't drawn to the appeal and advantage of live music. This thread makes it all too clear.

Please say I have misunderstood.

[Vortex]

Yes Steve this is mostly all joking. I wouldn't DARE trying any of this on a typical gig. I you read Dave's post he comments on how nobody was listening to the music at all so they started up punishment tunes. You would NOT go into a regular gig and goof around, I 100% agree that such is totally unprofessional. However, we all run into the occasional situation where it's either a bad mix between setting and music, crowd and show, audience attention and feature, whatever - the band becomes background atmosphere and you have nobody's attention. It's in these kinds of cases, and ONLY these kinds, where you could get away with singing the wrong lyrics to a song, or misinterpreting a song, etc.

[mark_m]

Well, there is a basis in fact for my hokey-pokey comment, if you really must know.

Back in maybe 1970 I was playing occasional gigs on keyboard with a polka/wedding band.

The particular occasion was a reception where elderly couples were whirling around, beet-red, like they were about to explode, alchohol was flowing freely, and guests kept leaving drinks for the band, for me on top of the electric organ I was playing... suffice to say it was later in the evening and everything had gotten a bit fuzzy...I was young and not fully wise in regards to alchohol and potential errors in judgement resulting from its use.

Someone requested the Hokey Pokey. We'd not played it before, and we didn't have a singer. Somehow I became the singer. But I'd never tried singing and playing at the same time.

Started out pretty good. Everyone in a circle, myself singing coherent, melodic directions about what to put in and what to put out. But roundabout the middle of things, I started losing track of what was where. "Put your left hand in, you put your heaaaad out, you put your left leg in....." And folks were trying to follow me each in their own intoxicated way, but I just couldn't gather it back in. Eventually it turned into jeering and boo-ing and name-calling, not physically threatening but somewhat substantially humiliating and unforgettable.

Anyway, I think that's the last time I tried singing and playing at the same time in public:)

[mark_m]

By the way, Vortex, this was in Pgh. (my home town) at a place called Lassek's (can't believe I just pulled that name out) just off whatever exit that is just west of Squirrel Hill, not far from the mills.

[Steve J.]

And how do you know nobody's listening???? That's quite a dangerous assumption.

I admit I've played gigs that have that feel.... and just as often been surprised by being rehired or truly intelligent favorable comments afterward.

If it movesto to the joke thread I have some funny thoughts also ...... and a couple hilarious war stories.

[Vortex]

I remember someone here posting a story about playing as a solo saxophonist at a noisy chainsaw show. I can guarantee you nobody was listening there. There's bound to be more similar to that (though not many worse).

Mark - I'm gonna be in SQ Hill tomorrow so I'll take a look around and see if I can find the place just out of curiousity.

Steve - There's a difference between hearing something and listening to it. Punishment tunes are only used when the audience "hears" the music (like a chainsaw-show) but doesn't really listen (like they would at a concert).

[Steve J.]

How can you guarantee that?

(The chainsaw probably didn't use vibrato.)

[Stencilman]

A million years ago I played with a group whose vocalist and leader was a total jokester. There was never a serious moment around him. When he felt the audience was not listening he would randomly change the words to the songs. He was a master at composing gerberish o the fly.

On one particular evening, the first verse of the Tony Orlando's "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" became:I'm growing foam, I lost my dime
And you've got to know that I'm still looking fineMy gut hurt the next day after every gig from trying to hold back the laughter the night before.

Boy, Tie a Yellow Ribbon? That shows how really old i'm getting :roll:

[SuperDave]

Well you guys forgot the ultimate band punishment tune
Kenny G's 'Songbird' the Ktell allnight dance version...what's somewhat depressing is before I could finish typing this it came on the radio..God has a sense of humor.

[OnyxSax]

Many times I play keyboard for cocktails in the hour before the band starts. I realized that no one was paying any attention to what I was playing. So I began to get creative. My latest kick is taking 80s power-pop tunes and converting them to cocktail piano. I play songs like Asia's "Heat of The Moment", Rick Springfield's "Jesse's Girl" and "Your Love" by the Outfield.

Here's the kicker: When I started doing that people began paying attention and saying it was really neat, that they never heard a piano player do some of the songs I was playing. One person coined it "Heavy Metal Cocktail Music". At least they're listening now!

[-TH]

I sometimes play dinner jazz gigs with a piano player. We had a gig last year and we're on fire :D We played jazz standards and everything went great: good solos, good swing and we both were having great time.

But no reactions from the audience. I mean none at all! And there were lots of people! Not even one hand clap :o Although we made some quite "interesting" and exaggerated endings to some tunes on purpose.. :D I said to my friend that "you didn't believe me earlier that the easiest way to get attention and reaction from the audience is to play some evergreen pop songs that everybody knows". We tried and played Yesterday by the Beatles. WOOAAAHH! Massive applauses and cheers from the audience. And just after that a man approaced us and told how great duo we were... What the heck happened..

It was sad...

[Frank D]

There ya go.....two posts confirming that people, especially people who aren't real big music fans, like to hear songs that they know. It doesn't have to be drudgery, make the most of it. After the first time through, play solos, first close to the melody, then farther and farther out, then bring it back to the melody and take it home. Change up the style or tempo, play a slow song up, play a rocker as a bossa nova. There are ways to be creative beyond trying to imitate Bird and Trane.

[DanY]

Frank D: You raise a good point, should the musician play to the audience, or can the audience go to the musician?

[Frank D]

I guess it depends on your goals; Do you want to be a working musician, or do you want to be a musical evangelist?

Being one of the former, I try to meet the audience a little more than halfway. Win them over with something they know, and you will be able to slip in something a little more interesting.

[OnyxSax]

I did it again. As the crowd kept getting bigger at a cocktail hour, I was really getting drowned out. So I starting playing a medley of Rush tunes on the piano. One guest comes up to me and asks "Is that Fly By Night?". I told him it was. He looked at me and said "You ROCK!". That made my night. Heck, it made my month.

[Joe Linux]

This very well could rank as the most depressing thread I've come across on SOTW. Please say I'm naive and none of you are serious.

Well as a former working musician, I'd say it's one of the funniest threads I've read, and would say it all depends on the crowd and situation. Sometimes some serious revenge is in order.

[OnyxSax]

We also found we could disguise certain tunes as Jewish music when played on the soprano sax to a Hora beat. Some of the ones we messed with:

Without Me - Eminem
Crazy Train - Ozzy Osbourne
Yeah - Usher

and my personal favorite:

Theme from the Munsters

You always get that look on peoples faces like "I recognize that tune...what is it?...what is it?

[Gregg W. Jackson]

OnyxSax: We also found we could disguise certain tunes as Jewish music when played on the soprano sax to a Hora beat.

Conversely, back in the early 60's, we played "Hava Nagila" as a rock tune.

[area51recording]

I've been a working musician now for about 30 years and one thing I've seen that causes untold frustration among musos is when an audience will completly ignore their killer version of ELP's Tarkus done as a tasteful samba and are drawn to the dancefloor like lemmings to the sea when that first few notes of Old Time Rock and Roll are sounded. I think I've finally figured out for myself that it's important to remember what my function at a particular gig is and also that people aren't there to be educated (most times) but rather to have a good time. For the most part they like what they like and their likes often are way different from what I might dig but that's what it is and I find that if I try to give them what they want they tend to be very supportive. $$$$

[sax_appeal]

Ah, but what if you rock up to a gig... and there's nobody there?

I've been in a few situations where this has happened, mostly marches in small country towns, but there have been other concert band gigs the same. We played Oya Come Va (spelling???) at such a gig, and there was hardly anyone there, so I got all the saxes to slap tongue the intro... very cool, pity there weren't many people to hear it.

[Vortex]

We also found we could disguise certain tunes as Jewish music when played on the soprano sax to a Hora beat. Some of the ones we messed with:

Without Me - Eminem
Crazy Train - Ozzy Osbourne
Yeah - Usher

and my personal favorite:

Theme from the Munsters

You always get that look on peoples faces like "I recognize that tune...what is it?...what is it?

LOL

Funny, I was at a jam just yesterday which was overall a bust - a bunch of hip-hoppers showed up (c)rapping, also playing drums and 'other' percussion but it got pretty funky when I started playing "The Real Slim Shady" and "My Name Is" a capella with some adlibbing which after several minutes turned into full-blown, grab 'em by the handlebars ripping (something in the flavor of Pharoah Sanders). I then tried to start up "Carry On My Wayward Son" and they were all completely lost.

[martysax]

Whenever I want to punish the band and audience, I pull out the flute, scream "DO the Hustle" and start playing so loud that the band has to join me.

[saxophobe]

I see both sides of this argument. As a sideman, I have taken great joy in wanting to call "In the Mood" in 7/4 to throw off the crowd off. But as a leader, where it's my job to speak with the client and make sure they are happy, this type of behavior would make me cringe, and would not be tolerated.

Ultimately, the decision rests on the balance you want to strike between professionalism and having fun playing. I wouldn't recommend engaging in this type of behavior if you are trying to make a rep for yourself around town.

One more piece of food for thought; by making the client unhappy, you give us ALL a bad rep.

It is the musician stereotype that really enrages me: no matter how well you dress, how well you are groomed, if your entire band is on time and completely ready/sober to do the job, we are still given the pimento cheese sandwiches in the back of the coat room, while the guests are dining on rack of lamb! I understand limiting bar access, but I HATE being treated like a 3rd class citizen because of the actions of the last band these people hired.

I hate it so much, I'm going to post a separate thread on it shortly!

:x

sax

[Bill Mecca]

while I understand your sentiment saxophobe, (I deal with it every day as a video producer, and before as a TV news reporter) the one thing we must all remember is we are "hired hands" not invited guests.
I will grant you, the attitude of some "employers" is subpar, but as hired help you should not expect to to be seated with the invited guests at a wedding.
Treated with respect, yes.

[saxophobe]

As promised, I started a new thread to clarify/refine my point of view.

http://www.saxontheweb.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=22014

I'll concede that eating with the guests is more of a perk, but there is no excuse for not respecting everyone, even the "hired help."

saxophobe